In a day and age where social media, the internet, and communication across various platforms have become the norm, it's critical to teach our children the importance of responsible communication. As parents, we may find ourselves concerned about our child using profanity or inappropriate language in their speech and online interactions. Well, fear not! This blog is your guide to teaching your child the importance of using polite and clean language, both in their speech and written communications, all while providing solutions that encourage better communication for the entire family. Together, let's build a respectful and solution-focused environment in your home!

Communication is Key

Before diving into specific techniques, it's important to remember that it all starts with open and honest discussions with your child. Help them understand the impact of their words and why using profanity and inappropriate language is not a healthy way to express themselves. Remember to avoid talking about the problems too long, because the goal is to find solutions. At the end of the conversation you want to have your child come up with a plan of action for the next time they are tempted.

Encourage your child to ask questions and engage in a healthy dialogue about the subject.  Children will be more likely to listen to you after they feel understood. Even when they need correction,  it is important that they feel heard in a conversation. My motto is: “Listen, and then listen LONGER”.  After they talk, try asking, “What else?” to get them to fully express themselves. Remember, understanding the problem sets the foundation for lasting solutions.

Establish Rules and Consequences

It's time to lay down some ground rules. Do this by setting standards that line up with your family values. Explain to your child that respectful language is expected, both online and offline. Let them know exactly what you mean by appropriate language and give examples. Never assume they get it. Is OK if they say, ‘I know, I know!” because being as clear as possible is better than being too vague.

Don’t wait for your child to be caught in the act before coming up with your consequences. Let them know what will happen if they are using inappropriate language and provide consequences for repeated offenses. Make sure to be consistent so your child can depend on what you say. The goal is for them to be able to take responsibility for their actions and create a habit of communicating appropriately. 

All kids will hear or read  inappropriate communication at some point, especially if  they are playing online games with a chat feature, or are a part of any group chat room.  They will also hear it with their friends and in their social world.  Let them know what your expectation is, no matter what others do, so they are ready to make wise choices. With all the different ways kids communicate, don't be surprised if you find out they are making mistakes, especially in chatting with friends. When they do,  be ready with consequences that your family clearly established. 

Leading by Example

One of the best ways to teach polite and clean communication is by being a role model. Children often learn behaviors by observing the actions of the adults around them. But let's face it,  when we are in the comfort of our own homes, our communication can be more relaxed. So, try to be mindful of your own language and choice of words, especially around your child. Be prepared to apologize if you slip up and let your child know that nobody is perfect. Be proactive by teaching your child the difference between communication at home,  work and/or school. Let them know that you hold yourself to a standard as well, so they don't begin to think that cursing is a way to act like an adult.  Teach your child about how they should communicate in each environment they are in so they have a clear understanding of what is expected of them. 

Encourage Alternative Words and Phrases

As parents, we can help our children express their emotions in a more sophisticated manner by providing them with alternative words or phrases. For instance, if they feel frustrated, teach them to say "I'm feeling frustrated" rather than using a curse word. You can also let them come up with silly words or phrases that can be used instead. As long as the word is not offensive to your family, this can provide a lighthearted way to redirect. When my daughter was young she would substitute “Brussel sprout” for a variety of less than appropriate language she was tempted to say in a heated moment.  It was so effective we all started using this substitute. Even now, years later my family will use that word to express frustration as well as lighten the mood. Keep a list of positive or neutral words and practice using them in various situations, making it a fun and engaging exercise.

Monitor Media Consumption and Online Interactions

It can seem like a never ending task to make sure your child has low exposure to inappropriate content in today’s world. Still, it is time well spent to help your child have healthy communication habits. Take the time to familiarize yourself with your child's favorite websites, games, and TV shows. To the best of your ability, know what they are seeing and hearing. Be open to talking to them about what they hear. When we are quick to judge what they like because of their language it can create an unnecessary barrier. Rather find out the reasons they like the channel or show and discuss what boundaries are necessary to support your values.

To further protect your child from profanity and inappropriate language, you may want to use parental control features on devices to safeguard their online experience. I realize this is a tough ask when in music, movies and even in casual conversations we find inappropriate content.  Although they may hear it from time to time, they can choose to use polite and clean language for themselves.  

A Lifetime of Better Conversations

The goal is to have a lifetime of better conversations. That is why teaching your child polite and clean communication in this digital age is more important than ever. By focusing on open communication, establishing clear expectations, being a role model, and offering alternatives while monitoring their media consumption, you can encourage a more respectful and solution-focused environment for your child. Remember, teaching children the importance of what they say and write is a continual process, and as parents, it is our responsibility to keep nurturing and reinforcing positive communication habits throughout their developmental years. The Focused Mindset Newsletter is a tool to help you every step of the way. Its our gift to you as you stand up for your family values in this world. Armed with these tips and strategies, you're well on your way to raising a polite and respectful communicator!