4 Things to Avoid to Believe In Yourself and Others
Believing in yourself and others is a life-long journey. It requires dedication, patience, and self-reflection. But it's worth it! Believing in yourself gives you the courage and confidence to take risks and pursue your hopes and dreams while believing in others gives you a sense of connectedness with the world around you. Here, I will share with you the top four things I’ve learned to avoid as I practice believing in myself. Then, we will talk about how you and I can believe in our family in a powerful way.
Believing in your hopes requires action. But the wrong actions will ultimately take us further away from our highest hopes for our life. They are:
Believing requires action
Tunnel vision
Protecting yourself from non-existent dangers
Placing pressure on yourself
Comparing yourself to others
Let me break this down:
Tunnel Vision: Having tunnel vision will limit your ability to see potential solutions for any given situation. When we get too focused on one particular outcome or goal, we often miss out on new opportunities that could be beneficial and help us reach our goals faster or more efficiently. Don’t get this mixed up with having a clear focus. Having a clear focus helps you take steps forward even when there are obstacles. But at times, we fixate on one outcome so much that we miss the opportunities all around. You should have a clear focus. But also, look from the left to the right and notice what is around you on the journey. Instead of having tunnel vision, try to look at the situation from multiple angles so that you can get a better understanding of all the possibilities available.
Protecting Yourself From Non-Existent Dangers: Don't let your mind create problems that don't exist; instead, open your eyes to all the possible solutions available. You don’t have to believe every single thought that pops into your mind. In fact in many cases you should let thoughts move right into the trash! If you find yourself worrying excessively about something that may never happen, take a step back and ask yourself, “What actionable steps can be taken right now to ease your worries or solve the problem at hand?“
Placing Pressure on Yourself: Life can get stressful enough without adding unnecessary pressure into the mix—so don’t do it! Placing too much pressure on yourself will only lead to anxiety and frustration, both of which can stop growth in its tracks. The next time you feel overwhelmed by a task or project, ask yourself, “If this was simple, what would I do first?” This mindset will help break down big tasks into achievable steps that don’t feel so intimidating anymore.
Comparing Yourself To Others: Everyone has their path in life—one that belongs exclusively to them. So comparing your path with someone else's is ultimately pointless (and unhelpful). When I first got married, my mother-in-law noticed that I would often get stuck in a comparison loop when I needed to make a decision. She gave my this advice: “There will be many choices in life. When you are at a crossroad, make the best right choice and then act on it. Comparing yourself to others will only drag you down.” Those words have often helped me over the years. Whenever you find yourself falling into comparison traps or comparing notes with someone else's success story, remember that there is no one “right” way—only your own unique path toward achieving your dreams and ambitions. Live in this truth and live confidently, knowing there is nobody quite like you!
Believing In Kids
It can be difficult for parents to adjust when their child's dreams and ideas of success evolve. If you are a parent, step parent, grandparent or God parent then you already know it’s easy to fall into one of these four traps with your kiddos. You believe in your child’s ability to thrive, but at times, your actions dont give that message to your child. In episode 150 of The Focused Mindset Podcast I discuss in detail how we can avoid each of these pitfalls as we raise kids. Feel free to listen in to go deeper on the subject of belief. With a honest and humble approach, you can recognize when you have gone off course and correct it in order to help your child uncover their best life.
One parent I worked with was deeply committed to the idea that her daughter should pursue medicine. It was a dream they both had held since she was three. However, her daughter had other passions. She revealed to me that she was drawn to the field of political science. She dreamed of becoming a lawyer. During our counseling session, she shared that she dreamed about positively impacting Filipino communities by practicing law.
This teenage girl had a powerful dream, but was scared to share it with her mom. But after mustering up the courage, she decided to open up to her mom. Her mom was reluctant, but listened to her daughter.. Over time, her mother's resistance melted away. Soon. she became supportive of her daughter’s desire to exploring new opportunities.
With incredible perseverance and ambition, this young woman received full scholarship offers at some of the most renowned universities. Her dream of becoming a lawyer was put in action. This story demonstrates how important it is to listen to our children and trust them enough to pursue their dreams. This is one of many examples that reminds me to practice selfless belief in children. If we respect their aspirations and foster an atmosphere where they can thrive, amazing things are bound to happen!
It Takes Courage
Many parents intensely focus on the success that they imagine that they will achieve. However, children need to find paths that excite and fulfill them; this may look different than initially anticipated. It can take courage from both perspectives--both from the child considering alternate routes as well as supportive guidance from parental figures--to uncover what truly makes someone come alive with a joyous purpose.
But what about when it all goes wrong?
All of your belief, prayers, and hope do not take away life's ups and downs. Believing in yourself and in your loved ones means that you believe they will be able to get to the other side of any challenge. When I lift my children in prayer, I pray they meet challenges with resilience. My hope is that they will have the ability to see beyond the problem and rise above it. When you and I believe a child is capable of that, then fear goes away. Take a moment to look within and challenge your definition of belief. Think about your thoughts, attitude, and internal dialogue toward change in new situations. And then decide to level up that definition to match the results you want to have.
Leveling up isn't comfortable. But it is rewarding.
Believing in yourself takes work. It is worth it in the end because it gives us courage when faced with difficult decisions or challenging times ahead. Believing in our loved ones helps us build meaningful relationships where everybody feels valued. Together, this type of belief forms an essential foundation for living an intentional life full of joy and purposefulness. Remembering these four tips can help keep you grounded as move forward in this world:
Avoid tunnel vision,
Protect yourself from non-existent dangers
Don’t place unnecessary pressure on yourself
Avoid comparing yourself to others
Doing this, and teaching your children to do the same, will ensure our journey towards believing will be a rewarding one.
